I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I just want to make out with him forever
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
