i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
thus making me awesome and them whores
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
