you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Can I color on your dick again?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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