WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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