No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Actions speak louder than pants.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
