does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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