Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
