Im at strip club and am horny
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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