i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
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