So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
