she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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