Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
we made out on top of his cat.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Randomize
