did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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