All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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