just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
