Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
