that's an acceptable place to lick
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
