i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
