Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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