I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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