I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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