i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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