At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
