We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
