I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
