But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
