I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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