I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Randomize
