They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
