i think i have herpe
just one?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Randomize
