I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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