My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
