So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
there is puke in my bra ... again
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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