First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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