R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
True strength comes from lack of pants
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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