Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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