she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
