11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
