I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
try to milk me bitch
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