HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
