The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
