he shaved USA in his pubs
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
