Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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