so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
we're making bets on your personal life
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
