If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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