Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
