I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
