but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
