Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
