I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
