Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
So vagazzling was a success
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
