Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
