Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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